Humoristiske klimaklipp

[Amatør1]

[Amatør1]

Hvordan holde varmen med vindmøller? La dem brenne! 

The solution has been there, right in front of us all this time – the answer to fuel poverty. We burn windmills. (Via the BBC, a windmill at Ardrossan Windfarm earlier today, bursting into flames during the severe weather.)

[Jostemikk]

De eneste vindmøllene som produserer energi er de som står i lys lue!

Det virker å være et problem med vindkraftsatsingen, Amatør1. Når de trengs, da er det vindstille. Når de ikke trengs, da blåser de over ende, bladene ryker i fillebiter, eller som nå, tar fyr. Ja vi opplevde jo for kort tid siden at en av dem sank!

Jeg trenger litt penger framover. Vil det være en god investering å satse på carbonbørsen, vindkraft og Gresk industri?

[ebye]

I tillegg til alt dette, synes jeg det er morsomt at de må ha ganske mye strøm når de ikke produserer noe selv. De trenger en form for jevn drift av maskineriet. Artig. 

[Jostemikk]

Enda bra de ikke hakker fugler i fillebiter, stanser opp den naturlige luftstrømmen, og skaper global oppvarming.

[Bebben]

Joste:

Jeg trenger litt penger framover. Vil det være en god investering å satse på carbonbørsen, vindkraft og Gresk industri?

Hadde du vært lastet med salgsopsjoner i REC for et par år siden, ville du ha hatt bra med "lommefor" nå. I dagens situasjon ville jeg kanskje ha satset på skifergass... eller Kina, men med valutahedging: Jeg kjøpte noen fondsandeler for noen år siden i et fond som investerte i Kina - og alt de tok i ble til gull, men valutakursene gjorde det til gråstein. Ellers artig at - som Telehiv nylig gjorde oss oppmerksom på - klimadebatten også går høyt blant aksjespekulanter. Tipper noen av de gutta der har en helt annen agenda enn å redde planeten, det gjelder å være først til å lukte hvilken vei vinden blåser. Ikke at aksjemarkedet ikke har vært villig til å spekulere i tynn luft, stikkord er tulipaner, Internett og Opticom.

Men lærdommen fra Wall Street er "the trend is your friend" - ingen temperaturøkning i verden, ingen peng på "klimavennlig teknologi". 

Og en annen lærdom er at hvis noe du har investert i har gått til himmels uten at du helt aner hvorfor (klimaendringer? *fnis*) og du værer at trenden kan snu, så ..... " take the money and run!" 

[seoto]

Det er godt at noen finner fram humoren i alt alvoret.

Winston looked at the impassive figure of Gore and remembered
the three slogans of The Ministry of Global Warming:

COLD IS WARM

WEATHER IS NOT CLIMATE

CARBON TRADING IS NOT A SCAM

Winston said: "But surely Cold is Cold and Warm is Warm".

Gore looked at Smith sympathetically: "If we decide Cold is Warm, then Cold is Warm.
Every year will become the warmest year ever, even if there is six foot snow outside.
The data will show an eternal upward temperature increase and you will come to
believe in Global Warming."

Gore continued: "I am taking trouble with you Winston, because you are worth trouble.
You know perfectly well what is the matter with you. You have known it for years,
though you have fought against the knowledge. You are mentally deranged."

Du kan lese mer HER.

[Jostemikk]

Denne koblingen er det flere og flere som gjør. Skumle tider vi har havnet ufrivillig midt oppe i.

[Amatør1]

Koblingen er faktisk helt klar, men derfor ikke så morsom som man kunne håpet.

I sitatet er Gore modellert etter O'Brien i Orwells "1984"

O'Brien's job appears to be to search for potential thought-criminals (citizens who think something that is deemed to be unacceptable by the party, this could even be done by accident), lure them in by pretending to be on their side, then arrest and "cure" them. O'Brien tortures Winston to cure him of his "insanity," in particular his "false" notion that there exists an external, self-evident reality independent of the Party; O'Brien explains that reality is simply what the Party defines it as.

Her, fra originalen:

Orwell Today: 40. Electric Shock Brainwashing

O'Brien's manner became less severe. He resettled his spectacles thoughtfully, and took a pace or two up and down. When he spoke his voice was gentle and patient. He had the air of a doctor, a teacher, even a priest, anxious to explain and persuade rather than to punish.

"I am taking trouble with you, Winston," he said, "because you are worth trouble. You know perfectly well what is the matter with you. You have known for years, though you have fought against the knowledge. You are mentally deranged. You suffer from defective memory. You are unable to remember real events and you persuade yourself that you remember other events which never happened. Fortunately it is curable. You have never cured yourself of it, because you did not choose to. There was a small effort of the will that you were not ready to make. Even now, I am well aware, you are clinging to your disease under the impression that is a virtue. Now we will take an example. At this moment, which power is Oceania at war with?"

"When I was arrested, Oceania was at war with Eastasia."

"With Eastasia. Good. And Oceania has always been at war with Eastasia, has it not?"

Winston drew in his breath. He opened his mouth to speak and then did not speak. He could not take his eyes away from the dial.

"The truth, please, Winston. Your truth. Tell me what you think you remember."

"I remember that until only a week before I was arrested, we were not at war with Eastasia at all. We were in alliance with them. The war was against Eurasia. That had lasted for four years. Before that--"

O'Brien stopped him with a movement of the hand. "There is a Party slogan dealing with the control of the past," he said. "Repeat it, if you please."

"Who controls the past controls the future: who controls the present controls the past," repeated Winston obediently.



IPCC har brukt 1984 som oppslagsbok, og merket seg at et par lojale paleodendrokronologer er nyttige å ha, slik at fortidens klima kan defineres i ens eget bilde. Dermed kontrollerer man også framtidens klima.

Men dette fungerer bare sålenge man har kontroll over nåtiden, og den vil de miste.

Det er det morsomme 

[Bebben]

Fra ransakingsordren hos Tallbloke:

Warrant to enter osv.... (Section 15 of the Police and Criminal Evidence Act 1984)

(H/T "MJW" på CliamateAudit...)

[ConTrari]

Warrant to enter osv.... (Section 15 of the Police and Criminal Evidence Act 1984)

Ikke "Police and Climate Evidence Act of 1988" ? 

[Bebben]

Vet ikke hvem Jay Leno er, men han er visst en råtass etter min smak:

"Arnold Schwarzenegger is blaming man for global warming. And today, Al Gore agreed with him. That's so typical. Two cyborgs, 'Oh, let's blame the humans.'"


"According to Time magazine, global warming is 33% worse than we thought. You know what that means? Al Gore is one-third more annoying than we thought."

"Al Gore said over the weekend that global warming is more serious than terrorism. Unless the terrorist is on your plane, then that extra half a degree doesn't bother you so much."

--Jay Leno


Fra "Warmal Globing".

[seoto]

Ha-ha!  Det er godt at det er plass til litt humor i all galskapen.

[Jostemikk]

Hver eneste gang noen forsøker å delta i klimadebatten på diverse MSM-blogger, blir stakkaren overfalt av de samme hyperaktive trollene. Her er en video som illustrerer hva jeg mener:

http://www.youtube.com/v/KnCo7hhKPhk

[Amatør1]

Anbefaler denne siden fra Uncyclopedia - The Content-Free Encyclopedia

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Global_Warming

Brukbar teori for global warming følger 

Daylight savings time theory

Global warming is the government's fault for adding an extra hour on to the day during daylight savings time. This means an extra hour of sunlight every day for six months a year. The extra sunlight added by the government causes the planet to heat up and destroy the environment. The earth will eventually burn if this continues.

en annen teori er minst like sannsynlig

Gnomal warming

Supporters of Universal Gnome Theory have a separate theory. Gnome Theory states that all forms of energy are just the actions of gnomes. Heat is simply gnomes rubbing each other and kinetic energy is gnomes moving about.